National Novel Writing Month: November

November is National Novel Writing Month. I have changed my settings on Facebook, deleted many political bookmarks and started thinking about a plot. I’m not trying to change the world, win an award, prove my genius or impress you, but simply do something in a set amount of time that I’ve decided is worth doing.

For the past several weeks I’ve felt my self-looking backward a bit, thinking about my past and maybe experiencing a bit of the middle age feeling. Hard not to when you’re 37, unemployed and caring for a 1year old who isn’t much for conversation.  Have I done the best I can? What choices did I make.  What does the future hold for me?

I know that I’m happily married to my best friend in the world, that I have a beautiful daughter who is cuter than the dickens and my best buddy, but am I spending my free time in the most “productive” way? Self-doubt is like a cleaning lady, it shows up weekly to attend to all your toilets, cabinets, nooks and crannies of the mind. What can I say? I’ve got it good but I feel like I owe more to myself — not that I’m doing a bad job, just that being a stay at home dad is an opportunity to do more. You’re free from the commute, the shitty lunchtime banter, the meetings, the whole bullshit facade that workings stiffs experience every day.  You know, you’ve been there, stuck in traffic or a meeting you didn’t want to attend — thinking, what could I be doing?????

I don’t suppose NaNoWriMo is any sort of salve to my doubts or anxieties of self worth, but it may be a minor kick in the pants that gets the transmission going and the gears into up-shift.  That said, I’m not going to be blogging much this month after the election and I hope you understand. Most of you are my friends and other bloggers that I’ve grown to know over the past several months discussing parenting and politics.  I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t do it all during naptimes — despite my extreme typing skills.

Hopefully I’ll find my late nights and early mornings amusing and can pass that on to you.  I hope that I learn something from the experience. I find this akin to the challenges I gave myself to run two marathons despite not having a runners’ physique. Far from it. I could have manufactured running shoes in the time it took me to complete those marathons. But, the simple fact is that I did them and in the end, as Woody Allen says about showing up, it’s 80% about finishing despite your time.

Of course, if Obama wins it will be the icing on the cake. If McCain wins, it will be the last resort of a desperate ego that drives my typing. Only time will tell.

Right now, the title of the book is Snow on Sunset Blvd. and it is as much the story of a man who is a fish out of water as he is in the right place at the right time. It incorporates the things I know; Alaska, California, politics, parenting, psychology and human emotion. What more do you need? Shit, people have written much more about less.

Finally and again, I want to thank my wife, Punditmommy.  Without her support and friendship, I would be a shell of a man. Although I’m not terribly religious, I feel truly blessed to be her husband and the father of her child. Hopefully, in some of this work, I will continue to earn her love.