SAHDS & Isoloation

This article here does a good job outlining some of the challenges that SAHDS face – isolation being the one factor I have seen that affects the whole spectrum of SAHD life. The stay at home population is dominated by moms who are busy making play dates, coffees and meet ups with other moms. But, as the article discusses they have also have built a barrier which excludes men from those activities.

It’s easy to understand, the sheer minority of SAHDS means that they are eyed with suspicion — maybe they are stalkers, perverts or just weird. Is this justified? I don’t see why not. Generally, without making too broad a generalization, men have made the case against themselves. Rates of divorce, infidelity and even date rape are up and, statistically, men seem to be the source of some of those issues. Now, I’m sure there are quite a few women who are happy to incorporate men into their play dates and activities, but the broader population still sees moms as the daytime caretaker and therfore their social organization is single sex based.

Am I saying that stay at home moms are in fear of men? No, but I think many women don’t want to be in vulnerable situations. They don’t want to be in situations where they could be construed as compromising their marriages either. Thanks to Hollywood, we have movies like “Little Children” which completely blows away reality regarding life at home. I thought it was a good movie though and you should pick it up on Netflix if you haven’t seen it already!

One other factor is the social structure of stay at home dads. I am inclined to think men are less likely to utilize playgroups or meetups as a source of emotional stability or as a resource on parenting best practices. Punditdad doesn’t go to playgroups to see whether the Bean is doing well compared to other kids in her age group — but rather to give structure to his day. I wonder how social mores and the emotional intelligence of men and women affect how they view the challenges of stay at home life and how it affects the socializing they do. Opinions?

One Response

  1. I didn’t realize anyone goes to playdates for resources on parenting best practices and comparing notes on the progress of the little ones – that seems insane to me! I thought playdates were an outlet for the parent at home because no kids start playing together until they are well past 2. Kind of a jaded view of playdates, pundit dad!
    Try baby happy hour – it is a great and beautiful thing.

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